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Nothing rocks the stable boat of even the happiest marriage like the birth of a child. Well-meaning advice to new parents usually focuses on overcoming everyday problems-exhaustion from middle-of-the-night feedings, financial worries, and coping with an extremely demanding human being in what had been a well-organized two-person arrangement.
But if all of this advice is so helpful, why do so many marriages continue to falter after these worries are under control? Why do the emotions stirred by the arrival of a baby seem to threaten the very bond the child was expected to strengthen?
In THINGS JUST HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME, Dr. Brad Sachs shows couples how to resolve the range of issues that accompany the birth of their child in a way that results in their creating an even stronger and more satisfying relationship with each other than they ever had before.
Dr. Sachs reveals how a new child causes every parent to embark on a "reverberating journey" into the heart of the family forces that have influenced us since childhood. Suddenly, husband and wife realize that they are married not just to each other, but to their respective family histories as well.
Using a combination of realistic case histories and practical advice, Dr. Sachs helps couples reach a marital breakthrough instead of break-up. In addressing the spectrum of challenges that confront new mothers and fathers, from sexuality to dealing with grandparents, from differences in parenting style to division of labor, THINGS JUST HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME shows couples how to talk more and fight less, rediscover physical and emotional intimacy, and joyously experience their roles as lovers, parents, and partners.
PRAISE FOR "THINGS JUST HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME"
"Negotiating the transition from unfettered couplehood to parenthood is fraught with difficulties. For too many couples, satisfaction with their marriages is a casualty of this process. Dr. Brad Sachs has written an authoritative, compassionate, and very helpful guide for couples going through this transition. THINGS JUST HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME should be required reading for couples contemplating becoming a family."
Dr. Ronald Levant, Author, BETWEEN FATHER AND CHILD
"With personal candor and truthfulness, Dr. Brad Sachs doesn't shy away from addressing the thorniest issues which beset couples during their transformation into parents. Rather than simplify or sugarcoat the struggles which follow childbirth, he examines them head-on, equally sympathetic to both men and women. Yet at the same time his sense of humor never flags, and he remains both reassuring and hopeful. A book like this helps keep your energy up-even during those long, sleepless nights-and restores your faith that it's all worth it in the end."
Roberta Israeloff, Author, KINDLING THE FLAME
"Rather than resorting to 'pop psychology', Dr. Sachs has based his book on substantial clinical theory that has been translated for the general public. Although the emphasis is on adapting to having children, the chapters are packed with suggestions and techniques that will help married couples facing a wide range of stresses. THINGS JUST HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME is not a quick fix. It is for people interested in examining their marriage and themselves in depth."
Dr. Norma Doft, Author, WHEN YOUR CHILD NEEDS HELP
"It's about time someone finally told the truth about what really happens when baby arrives. Dr. Brad Sachs cuts through the clichés of slick magazine advice to offer workable solutions to the problems all new parents experience. And, unlike any other book I know of, THINGS JUST HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME gives equal time to the needs of mothers and fathers. I wish I'd had this book when I had first become a father-it would've helped immeasurably."
David Laskin, Author, THE PARENTS' BOOK FOR NEW FATHERS
READERS' REACTIONS TO "THINGS JUST HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME"
"I can't begin to tell you what a difference your book has made in our lives-I've never felt so comforted, so supported, and so healed."
Renee Watkins, Columbus, OH
"If ever a book saved my marriage, yours did-thank you so much for your insights and your helpful advice."
Marty Kwalick, Seattle, WA
"I read your book and felt as if you had been living in our home and listening to my conversations with my husband over these past few years... it was both brilliant and reassuring all at the same time."
Jenna Volpe, Kansas City, MO
"Yours was the first book I read that treated fathers like real parents, rather than second-class citizens--it was a revelation to my wife, and changed so much about how we handled our baby."
Marcus Mousaieff, Tampa, FL
"I really can't even decide which was my favorite chapter, because every single one of them spoke to me at a deep level. I recommended it to every member of my mothers' group, and they all loved it, too."
Donna McCabe, Sedona, AZ
"To tell you that your book was great would be an understatement. You have actually encouraged me to believe that our marriage can survive parenthood, something that I had given up on."
Tom Svoboda, San Diego, CA
"I pulled your book off the bookshelf at the library, and read it through from beginning to end in one weekend. Then I insisted my husband read it as well. Your advice worked like magic..."
Cecilia Dunleavy, Durham, NC
"I don't know how you did it, but in one book you taught me how to understand my wife, my son, and myself."
Mark Dumars, Detroit, MI
Please keep writing and writing--you need to help me through the next stage of marriage as well!"
Corrina Meyer, London, England